This weekend a friend told me that I sell "perfect" between Instagram and my photography that I sell. That really struck a chord with me because I am far from perfect. Lately, I have been doing a lot of reflecting and I am frustrated. My life doesn't fit into a tiny square box or a rectangle. My life is complicated and far from Instagram perfect. I never want to put out "perfect" in the world because "perfect" isn't real.
What is real? Right now I am fighting with my Dad. I am 35 years old and we have been having the same fight for years now but it is getting worse. While I have had a successful career these last past seven years, he hates it. He wishes that I was married with several kids at my feet. It is the only thing he wants to talk about with me and the days I call him to share good news about work he gets angry with me because my career shouldn't be my main focus. I never said that marriage and kids weren't in my future I just haven't met the right person yet. Having kids with someone is a life long commitment because even if the marriage doesn't work out (like my parents) that person will always be in your life. I want to choose wisely... There is no guarantee for anything and I know this.
I could share his hurtful words with you but I am going to stop here. I have cried too many times already. The most frustrating part is that I feel he isn't proud of me for who I am. I am a successful photographer, business woman, and entrepreneur. I am grateful every single day to have a dream job that I created from nothing. I feel it is only natural to have the support of your parents with anything you do and I am missing that from my Dad.
I have friends and family that are supportive and proud of what I have done and I am certainly not asking for validation from any of my readers. This is an issue I don't know that will ever be resolved and I will have to find a way to let go of the fact that my Dad isn't proud of who I am. So when you look at my life from the outside and think that my life is "perfect" I promise you it isn't. We all have our own issues that we struggle with.
If you are doubting yourself because you are comparing yourself to someone else's life (on instagram or in real life) don't do it. Be present and be proud of who you are. This is something I will have to remind myself of every day.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to share what is going on with me. I won't give up on my dreams to keep traveling the world or the personal ones to have a husband and family. I know that not everyone's timeline is the same and I have to trust the timing of my life.